she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
