First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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