He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
