anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
