i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize