Having a random hookup so left but love u
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
