How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
