another moral hangover. fuck.
Where is the hickey?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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