She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A bitchslap is in order.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
