I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
