She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
