I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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