sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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