she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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