I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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