allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize