the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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