When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
