Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize