worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
