Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
