ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
