Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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