I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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