bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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