Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
