when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I party with great urgency now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize