so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
