Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
