Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
