Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
