Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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