ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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