I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize