I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
