even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
