theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
