Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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