Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
