It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
