don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
