everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
