Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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