u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
