Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
