I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
