Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Houston, we have a squirter
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize