you guys were way drunker than both of me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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