He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
