Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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