it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize