I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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