Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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