I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
