You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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