The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
