also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize