just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize