my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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