but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
