My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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