he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
