I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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