All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
