It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
