I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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