how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
