Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
