I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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