ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
