Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
