dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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