READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
