I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
