Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
