ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
