my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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