new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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