Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize