think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My ass is underappreciated
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
