he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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