using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
