Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
