how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
