Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I look better un-naked...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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