You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
