you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
