I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
