a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
