were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
