are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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