What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
