The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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